calm down

 

                                                                                  

 lakshmi g nair really really really needs to calm down. im pretty sure that my reproducitve system will come and hit me if i blame all of this anger and frustration on my period. 

thats probably what ive been telling myself all week. 

sometimes when thing dont go your way , you need to calm down , take a good deep breathe and just move on from it. like dont think about it or something. 

anythings good 

anyways , yeah thats it , i just wanted to calm myself down thats all. 

the bad part of living in a hostel is that you just reaaalllyyy wanna shout out and be your own angry self..but you cant do that cuz theres people around and that spoils the whole damn thing sooo much. 

i hate gobbling up my anger cuz if it isnt vented it buids up to something even bigger. 

do i like college ?

i love the place and the atmosphere. 

the workload ? nope. 

the people ? def not. 

to be honest im starting to feel so left out from all this shit.. 

or im feeling like im putting on some fake personality just to maintain the current friendships or something . 

apart from all that shit what i hate the most is the fact that i feel like im not enough or something.

getting out of your house and sitting in a proper class after 2 years takes all your damn effort. 

goodness

id really like my luckycharm now. 

infact..honestly for people living in the same state. why is it soo hard to like even cross paths ? 

im seriously curious like.. 

how is it that in the past 5 years.. not once did i cross paths with them even though kerala is sucha a small state ? , like dude really ?? 

it feels impossible and yet thats the case. 

i guess the probability of that hapeening is damn low or something. 

to be honest.. im putting up this act of being some brave i dont care kind of person pakshe 

im soooo tired of this college shit and socialisation. someone should strt a class on how to talk to people , how to get rid of people and how to not let people overule you. 

its not like i believe in the luckycharm nonsense still but that a little confidence could help . 

its stupid .. even typing it out makes it seem soooo stupid but still 

i wish i could just be the happy go lucky me that i was when i had my luckycharm. 

obviously its impossible and ive learned to live with but i cant deny that there are days where ive desperately wishes for some luck. 

ive come to hate the word luck over the years. 

i miss it , i miss all that fun and well..i cant describe the whole thing so im stopping at this. 

i really need to work on my social skills and like update myself on the whole thing.