to think all this would've happened

                                                                                    

Ah , about time I updated about the atrocities happening in life lately.

And here I present to you the drama Rama during my 2nd sessional that has me pulling my hair out in utter frustration. 

Life has been upside down lately and tbh I don't knkw hoe to make sense of it and have been nicely trying to avoid confrontation infront of a white page as I update the long standing blog. 

What happened that I seem to give a whole dramatic intro to my seemingly normal life ? 

I had this bad back pain fir a while. It's been months and I have been ignoring it. But recently during sessional I found it very hard to even walk around and even sit. So I went and took an mri to find out I have sacroiliatis and that it could be something sort of arthritis and early age disc degeneration. 

Not something myb2p yr old heart could handle. 

So I avoided it. Didn't take the tests and lived in aboksute oblivion. Woke up to the haunting pain of not being able to move the leg and fining it hard to get out of the bed and then slowly regaining more flexibility in movements. 

Then I thought it could he a uti and then got my urine cultured. Inorayed hard to find a few bacteria in there so that I could deem it as a uti and not something so big as this. 

But NY urie culture results came in last Monday and I don't have bacteria culturing. 

So that ends up with me and those scary little two tests which are damnnexkensive too. 

Then finally I decided to go and take them. I didn't want company to go because often I find myself being scared when going with comoany. If I go alone I know I have to stand-up for myself and hence will be more calm minded. So I went there during the afternoon hest to the rheumatology department and got thise tests done. 

The result will take 10 days and until then I have decided to forget of this entire drama itself. And just do whatever I normally do. Because once those results come in there's a chance that I might have to make major changes to my life. 

So I thought these 10 days can be normal and should be as normal as it could get. 

Apart from my health drama 

I have something else going on too. Something I never imagined I'd have to type. 

But now I have to deal with someone who has feelings for me but I don't share back.its hard fkr that person to understand that and its making life hard for me too. 

To be honest I never should've gone home that Friday. 

Andneith that I learnt the absolutely valuable knowledge as to never ever question my intuition and to believe it. 

And yeah a lit of shit happened if I had to summarize but then that is what life is stuff happen and you gotta deal with it. 

I denied the whole thing for 3 days and then realised me denying it doesn't mean my painjis getting any better so might as well go forward and accept whatever may come. 

So wish me luck cuz I really really need some and hopefully I don't have any funking autoimmune shit going on with me. 

I Need my muckycharm more than ever know. 

And I really wish that theory worked toom 

I don't know why I ended up typing such a long paragraph with both bicohem and anatomy sessional lractocals going on but I wanted to out all kf this out kf my mind into this garbage can. So here it is.

Lakshmi G Nair at a spot where she has no idea what step to take next and how to approach. 

I'll figure it out. It's just gonna take some time but I will I guess.