The Pursuit Of Happiness

 

the past few days i have been feeling quie empty and down. ive lost motivation and frankly feel like im standing in crossroads that lead to nowhere and to cheer myself up i wached my favorite TV shows , called manav  , treated myself to a good meal and even exercised to release all the serotonin , the truth is though all of it provided momentary comfort i found myself feeling very empty afterwards. 

as though some part of myself is missing. maybe this is like a luteal phase or something i dont know. but it feels very unhappy. and lonely 

im someone who enjoys solitude , my chances on travelling alone or exploring something by myself is something i look forward to. but these days instead of solitude the evil twin loneliness has been creeping in slowly. i realised ive cooconed myself into the comfort of one person that as soon as the coccon leaves this caterpillar is left out there. i used to hang out with my friends , i still do but then now theres almost an unofficial rule of sorts where we just dont interact in class or have divided ourselves into different groups. truth be told i have my own share in that too. Ive always been quite a silent individual but then today i found myself feeling extremely lonely without my coccon in site. 

its nice to date and like someone but then attachment is something i probably need to work on. I dont know i should probably go take a shower to calm down and relax. 

i have intruders in my room and have lost my will to write anymore as my personal space has been invaded. i almost forgot my stupid ass teenage theory but today is one of those days when i find myself curling in wishing it was true. but then ive reached an age where im matured enough to realise that it is all the minds game. 

this summer fairy has turned cold and is now being choked my the cold winter tendrils. the warm heart is losing the warmth as ice spreads through. oh winter general please do spare me.