Ants on The Laptop

                                                                       

                                                                              

these days its hard to sit to write even if u want to. when i finally find soem peace and inspiration a call comes in or its dinner time , night roll , or sometimes its just neha knocking on the door. 

occasionaly when i do reach atleast half of the page and am in the zen mode she asks me " what are you typing so much about ? do we have any assingments tommorow ? " and bam i forget the next sentence i had in my mind. 

today too is one such day where i opened this page at 7:30 pm but only started typing out by 8:40 pm 

on the back of my mind is the looming thought that i have yet to read what was taken in class and that my eyes r sleepy and i need rest. 

I touch all the wood in the world , cross all the fingers i have , and would literally place that evil eye emoji if i knew how to insert it here to say that i feel happy these days. 

now that i typed it my brain is telling me that i jinxed it and that within moments something is gonna be happening thats gonna disprove it. 

it feels very unright to be typing that i find myself smiling at odd times these days , when all ive ever written on the blog is about my seemingly boring life and a so called second lead syndrome i suffer from. 

2 years back on a random february day i was printing the hall ticket for jee mains knowing well that i aint cracking it but back up plans are good and to get a practise of how national level exams work. 

that was a bad time. 

during that time i was stuck at home. there is nowhere else to go to , no friends free enoguhn to visit. 

and all you have on your schedule is an exam everyday at 2-5 pm which i write sleepy sleepy. amd if someone comes to visit your house the anxiousness of how to answer everyones questions . remarks on your appearance that youve given up all for an exam. i wouldnt dare put an adjective before the word exam because it meant different to different people. it is neither small or significant. 

and my cousin sister would occasionally come over with her friends. introduce me to them and then we'd have some random convo after which i went back to the comfort of the cocoon of my room. 

now why mention about something that happened eons ago ? because on my recent trip back home there was a role reversal where i got to see things on the other side of the lens. 

my cosuin is now preppping for her entrance exams and im the one bringing my friends over. 

on any family occasion i can see her facing relatives trying to find answers to their neverending questions and i sit there on one corner observing all this as i replay back how i was faced with all this once but now the security of joining somehwere or being a part of something has given me a temporarily haven where i am gaurded by the sharp as a sword questions the world puts infront of us. 

back in december i had a bad case of ants getting inside my laptop. i did everything in my power to get them out. i tried using a hair dryer to get them out only to melt my caps lock keys and have a slightly crooked escape button. my poor bo hai he always seems to be in the middle of hardcore drama. 

but the ants in the laptop werent going and their presence was driving my ocd mind craazy. when i say craazy i mean it with all my heart. id be studying for my university examsn and i see a few of them peeking up from the number panel and i go ocd trying to pick all of them out forgetting about my physiology notebook whose pages r flipping through because of my fans speed. 

it took me a long while to calm myself down to the conceot of ants in the laptop. eventually they left once my exams weere over. 

For the past week , Nehas kettle seem to be the rage in the ant coomunity as they were often arrested in early hours of the morning lying limp after partying all night in her kettle. 

bohai who rests on the table rightbeside was infested with ants again , much to my dissapointment. 

but this time i am aware that with time the ants will leave once they realise that there is nothing to eat here.

what im trying to imply here is that small small irritating things  is like ants that infest a laptop. it bothers you and is probably gonna chew your brain off. but if u learn to let go things seem muchh more calmer. 

this is mostly a gentle reminder to myself to control and keep calm incase of an event where you get shouted my faculties during posting. they dont hate you. you r simply an ant in their laptop. 

and in that situation that moment is simply as annoying as ants on your own laptop. 

i know i fucked up the ending by making it all keep calm amd go blah blah. but i kinda lost the writing juice after getting on a overcrowded lift. and like any other day i have been cut short of my writing time because of night roll. but im glad i could finish it up however bad the edning to this was.