few more join for engineering

   

                                                                                

I seem to be coming here way more often that i thought i'd update this blog.. it seems my mind has been clouded that i ended up infront of a blank page again 

my mother is back with her constant nagging on how im supposed to get over 700 to secure myself a seat in a college and then proceeds to call me till i leave the table for tiny matters like feeding the cats. 

ironic indeed. 

whats the new trouble brewing up in lachuland ?

this is one of those weeks where my amma suddenly feels the need to check up on my studies and contact my classmates parents and stuff like that..every indian household knows how such an avergae day would go by. - hell for the kid - thats it . 

yeah , so after the call she got to know many of them has joined new courses and some went for repeating . 

and now shes saying its my fault for not accepting the colleges i got when she was the one who refused them saying it was a lesser famous college compared to what my cousin studied in 

some shit whihc i dont give a damn about but seems to be some bog deal for her 

indian kids and comaprison are two things which are held more closer than siamese twins. believe me when i say that. 

then there are my beautiful vicious aunts who are waiting for this topic to come so that my BP can shot up wither their "kind" words. the fact that i havent made a ruckus till now makes me believe that i'm working on my anger issues the best i can . 

but is that the reason that im writing today ? was it because of this constant nagging and the negative nergy that came with it ? 

perhaps not. i am just sad. 

one of my close friends decided to stop repeating and joined for engineering.

there isnt much we talked about other than NEET and its preparation from what i remember and now since that topic is off no use anymore , i guess there wouldnt be any reason to talk also. 

cut one more person from a very short friend list.

its not like its a big deal or anything but still..some people where just there throughout life and suddenly they arent whic seems quite odd.

i feel bad for him because he always gives up right before a new door opens for him.

i like observing people and my observation of this kid is .. he doesnt try 

if he knows hes hurt then he just gives up..but he gives up when hes too close to the ending which makes me sad. 

i know i could just say the same to him but what use is iving false hopes. 

but from what i observed this theory goes about in his life . 

i wonder if someone else would also be seeing a recurring pattern in my life and whether i could find it out one day . 

im truly happy that he gets to leave the entrance drama and try out a new course which seems nice.but im also sad that im still stuck here .

it kinda feels like im going to fall into a slump .

most of the charecteristics are also being shown.

i desperately need to get out of the entrance drama and finally move on with my life 

because im dead tired of amma and her constant comparison when it comes to marks.

if it was a fair evaluation i couldve accepted it but some things r just too stupid .

im done getting myself hurt over this. but i cant go back now since i left all the courses i got and the only path infront of me is to continue with this sadly. 

i hope im sane enough when i return back. because these days i hardly care what happeneing 

i can sense a feeling of "whatever" within myself 

as though i dont care about anything anymore. a genuine disintrest throughout all spheres in my life . 

as though im done with this life where i dont hold the key to what i do. or where constantly people are trying to control it 

im just so damn done with all this. should i too runaway like him ?

shall i too give up to find some peace ?. ....

life was good in 2016..nowadays i wonder if there is anything alive in this life.

cant wait for the amount of drama , hurt , tension and anger that 2022 might bring.

for the first time ever. i have no hope for the coming new year. just a hunch in the back of my mind saying it could be worser than how it is right now 

which isnt very positive to think.