random rambles

 

                                                                                        

                              an unrelated nice mirror selfie of mine just to add some color to the entry 

11/7/24 

Im going through buffering. its when i get back from class and now have no clue on what to do in the evening. i should study because there is a lot of things to study but for some reason i just cannot. i just sit infront of my table and buffer. its weird. i think it stress. and i feel as though im zoning out from people. like i genuinely like them n stuff and all my friends but for some reason i feel annoyed. i think its cuz im about to get my periods and also the fact that i have my pschiatry postings rn. its no fun , all the people there r sick but not the  normal kind of sick and its just sad to see them like that. and then on a late night forced talking sesh by my current roomate i realised that there r kids in our class to who have these issues. i come back after positngs and feel very emotionally drained after seeing those people and listening to their histories. i dont know how the doctors in their spend their entire lifetime doing this. id crack , seriously. theres also the fact that my icmr sts paper submission still hasnt happened yet and im annoyed aout that too cuz everyone elses is pretty much done and submitted and im the only one left. 

overall i have started to stress myself out which im working over stopping.

15/7/2024 

heyooo , today was a rain holiday and the weather was too comfortable that i spent 50 % of the day sleeping and the rest 30 % watching b99. 

i snacked quite a lot today and then it got boring cuz the weather was too gloomy for anything active. and then i while watching b99 i missed manav so i called him up and we talked for a while and ended up placing a bet on whos winning the sessionals this time. 

the past weekend was fun because amma came to visit me for the first time !! we had a nice time together and i could show her around the city. 

currently im listening to yellow by vitamin string quartet and its the song. im telling you people play this when your making my documentary. 

I got reminded of my guitar sir , same time last month was his birthday and i missed wishing him. i feel bad. its been a log time since i visited him , i should go during the onam holidays. 

and yeah biggest tea of the week : manav met amma. obv as a friend but im pretty sure she's onto us  now. it was fun and im glad the dinner went well. 

yeah i forgot what i wanted to write. i was listening to the playlist change and lost the convo flow. 

oh yeah i remember now - icmr sts. im sad about it. not about hte part where i messed up the submission but how it feels so foreign. my guide edited it to a point where its unrecognisable now, i understand that he was helping me but then it got me thinking is this even really mine ? , on what basis am i even uploading it under my name ? , i can see the shadow of what i wrote in it but i guess did not like it when he converted it to formal language. 

yeah thats it i dont have a lot on my mmind to write in this entry anymore.