home

 

                                                                                      

i lowkey wished i missed the train today and didnt have to go back to the hostel. 5 days at home has turned me into a sloth. not to mention a 2kg weight gain too. going home is such a relief. 

i love snuggling to my blanket and just sleeping at ease beside amma. though i definelt do not enjoy it when my cats come to wake me up 5 thirty in the morning for their breakfast. back home i have a timetable as to how my day goes by except that i dont have one for studying. 

wake up , light the diya ,change the flowers in the pooja room , make my cup of tea in my orange mug  and then a random morning work which is topped off with breakfast. 

sounds like an awfully boring routine but this is wht i look forward too on most of my holidays. 

i think i havent stayed a home as a permanent resident since 2019. but then there was covid so i enoyed 2 more years after which i have begin the nomadic life of shuttling myself from home to hostel back to back.

the side effects of this is that home has started to become a vacation spot rather than my house of residence. so my sole idea when i go there is to rest , sleep occasionaly move myself around from the couch to bed and repeat. i haven sat and studied in my room for a long time. also im confused if i should be even calling it m room as it has been invaded by my mother and sister. despite having rooms to themselves my sister has shifted in her bath supplies and invaded my bathroom. my wardrobe hardly has my clothes now as they are stacked up with ammas sarees. i had a hard time searching for my clothes when i came back and had to go out to meet my friends. 

I kinda miss the old times. i realised that on saturday when i was upstairs in my room and i could hear some random guy singing from " sa re ga ma pa " , the reality show my mother was currently watching. 

i can hear her calling for me to come watch it with her. and then theres my sister lying around doing whatever she does. and i go downstairs to see my kittens running around. at one point of time this was normal. a very avergae day inside shobhanam. but then yesterday was when i realised even this normal moment has started to be rare and something which is to be deemed precious. i guess this is all changed you have to adapt to as you grow up. even though you have a family often enough you find all 4 of you in entirely different places isolated. the occasional video calls are there but then again its very rare and kinda hard to get 4 people under the same roof at the same time. this year im spending diwali in the hostel.unless i spontaneously decide to run away home. im gonna miss lighting up all the diyas with gopu and amma and then proceeding to an excruciatingly long photo session. not to mention how my heartbreaks to think im not gonna be eating my pedas 💖. or my mysore pak 💖. or my kaju katlis 💖. who will eat all of them now that im not there. there gonna miss me a alot. 

sometimes i forget that tukku isnt there anymore. i find myself waiting for him to come chase me when I'm walking. or that second helping of breakfast which eventually turned him into a diabetic overweight cat. or even searching for him like a madwoman in the streets with a me-o packet on my hands and a bell on the other. sometimes i cant believe that at one point i had to go to search for him in the entire neighbourhood and then when i find him i have to chase him and then finally give up and hope hell come back when he wants. and then by evening he'll wait outside the door grumpily as i was a second late to answer to his meow. and then walks in with his mud filled paws and white fur covered in soot. leaving me curious as to what shit was he upto. that cat was the only animal i have ever taken this much care of from their birth to death. i still hate the fact over how he arrogantly jumped out of the window and thought he could fend off a bunch of dogs and ended up getting himself an express ticket to heaven.at times i think i shouldve just been there and kept surveillance on him. mere two weeks after i left for college hat idiot got himself dead. fucking stupid cat. 

i miss him though. i probably wont ever be having a pet that could replace him. he was supposed to turn 2 this year and those kittens were supposed to be his kids. 

wait. the whole point of todays entry was supposed to be about home but then i kinda got side tracked into talking about tukku because his birthday and death anniversary fall arounf in november. 

i think thats enough typing for me today before i start spurting more nonsense.

 ( yes there r typos. i type fast. if u figured there was typos your smart enough to find out what it meant so deal with it. )