kwenchana kwenchana

  

                                                                                   

Well. im back again . and this time too with nothing special than the regular tormenting long exam season. 

i wanted to cry out yesterday after i realised i messed up my physiology paper 2. it was quite heartbreaking because thats the subject ive put a hell load of effort into. and for what ? absolutely blanking out over there. id blame it on my luck but even i know that i slacked off last moment. 

tbh ive been dissapointed with myself the entire week. i wish id be a bit more serious about things at time than thinking of taking things at a stride. 

enough of the usual emotional trauma. lets dig deeper into the hole shall we ?

I recently stumbled upon malavika binu's blog.. god she writes really well , that was some awfully good poetry. and obviously devika a k is pretty much famous for her late night life talk which on a honest note seems pretty bland to me but the world does appreciate it. who r these people ? they were the og literary kids bac in bhavans. 

i find myself comparing my writing to theirs. and well tbh it cant be compared. not that i hate my writing but it lacks a sort of depth. or like i say it lost its magic waay bac in 2019. 

pretty much everything written after 2019 is a desperate revival of what used to be...it was fun to sit and write and try to make up my rhyme schemes. googling out sophisticated words. like..it all just came to me easy. and also the weekly made up narratives that id email my friends for fun. it was all nice. but then at somepoint this place has tunred into nothing but a place to store emotional baggage and there is absolutely nothing other than a bunchload of how life sucks entries. 

but then i believe it is much better than typing about luck which used to be the centre point at one point. pretty glad im over that phase. 

i really dont have anything intresting going on to be updating about. neither am i putting in an effort to find something. gopu has been having a jolly time since joining college , im happy that she has found a friends group to fit into and that she took hostel life with a breeze. i remember i was on a call with amma and she was saying how different both of our daily life updates seem. to which i jokingly replied i know mine is a "kanji" life. kanji is porridge in malayalam. 

thats pretty much about the whole self degrading aspect of todays entry. lets move on to the next segment - differences. 

during the 10 day study holidays i was home for about 5 days , i met up with neeraja and amrita during that time. it has been about an year and a half since i last saw neeraja. we do text each other. but thats pretty much it. both of us r never free on the same time for a good phone call and i guess we were just busy. my 12- 19 year old selves couldnt fathom me writing this. 

its kinda sad how friendships change. like not like its bad now but then it isnt like it was before. both o us have new bestfriends and we have different personalities than our younger selves who were besties. but still i do enjoy the new phase it has taken up and its all part of life. 

she grew her hair out long. its weird seeing her with long hair. i lost my bangs. we have changed. 

i tried writing a poem. it was soo bad i felt pathetic after reading it. one day perhaps ill slwoly get better at this. atleast thats what i hope. i mean even if it doesnt ill still use this as a life update place or something. i cant believe something i started for that computer seminar has ended up being a source of emotional waste management and possible creative development. 

thats it for today. i dont feel light after writing this rather more teary eyed. 

i think id like my luckycharm now. it wouldve been nice if the world run like how 12 yr old lakshmi thought it did. 

@sonofathena was right , this does sound like a teenagery blog. but still lee hwa yung is the best name out there.